Memento Mori, Chapter 15
Dec. 28th, 2011 12:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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memento_mori_11 Whether it was due to residual adrenaline still pumping around in her blood, or just discomfort left over from bad dreams, Blink woke unrealistically early the next day. For what felt like an interminably long time (but was probably only a few minutes), she just lay and stared at her ceiling, watching as the golden early-morning sunlight pouring in through her window slowly got stronger. She groaned quietly to herself and rubbed her temples with both hands, trying to massage away a little of the tension that seemed to have built up around her eyes and in her brain.
I really wish I could work out what went on, last night. Everything had blended together into a confusing mess of poorly-recalled reality and half-remembered dreams.
Immune? Not going to get sick – really? Ugh. She covered her face. Much as she wanted to feel happy, like common sense said she should be... her brain hurt. So many conflicting things to try and untangle in her mind. Part of her wanted to dance and laugh and sing, that she would get her second chance to do all the things she’d run away from. Another part wanted to just curl up and hide away, not daring to believe it, until she got concrete proof that it wasn’t yet another mistake, designed to crush her spirit even further into the dirt.
Blink rolled onto her stomach and slid inelegantly off her bed, then stumbled her way downstairs, using the wall to prop herself up. Her legs were so heavy and stiff, it felt like there must be lead in her toes. The sound of heavy breathing and gentle snoring emanating from the various bedroom doors just seemed to rub her nose in how exhausted (and how unable to sleep) she herself was. She grimaced and concentrated instead on keeping her feet moving across the carpet. Didn’t seem possible that someone could be so tired, but so cripplingly awake.
She arrived downstairs to the empty dining room she’d expected, judging by all the sounds of snoring above. Fingers of sunshine breaking through the vine-covered window gave the old furniture a warm, watercoloured golden glow far more romantic than she felt anything here deserved. She poured herself a small glass of pale yellow juice from the carton at the end of the counter, hoping the sharp, zesty taste would clear the confused fog of sleep from her head, and sat down with it at the table, but ended up just staring blankly at it, turning the glass quietly between thumb and forefinger.
Immune. Why didn’t Frond tell her? Would it have really been that difficult? It wasn’t like she didn’t have time, because they’d talked quite a lot in the minutes before Frond had put her plan into action. Blink propped her head in her hands and heaved a sigh. Yet another bombshell to try and come to terms with. She half hoped that it had just been a particularly vivid nightmare – it might have been disappointing, but at least she could have understood it.
Now she had to somehow completely up-end her whole world, and come to terms with a whole slew of new facts. You’re not going to die imminently. You are instead going to live for – potentially, at least – a very long time, stuck on a quarantined planet, with no way home, no way to call your family, essentially trapped between two rival groups fighting each other over the few measly resources that are left, surrounded by the sick and the dying.
Even if you help develop a vaccine, there’s no guarantee you’ll ever get out. What good is being immune, when soul-destroying boredom will kill you far faster than any disease could?
Blink groaned pathetically to herself and let her head drop to the table.
It was going to be a long day.
* * * * *
Blink’s breakfast juice still sat in front of her nose, untouched, when the Library’s more long-term residents began to stir. She listened to the feet thumping on the worn floorboards, and closed her eyes, wondering if it wouldn’t have been better to stay in bed. Maybe if she pretended to be asleep, they’d leave her al-
“Skeida, Bee! You’re immune?”
Stifling a sigh, Blink levered her heavy eyelids back up, to find Aspazija’s concerned face very close to her own. “It looks that way,” she confirmed, reluctantly, not sure if she felt up to discussing it. “According to Odati, anyway.” She rubbed her temples. “I’m not really sure what I should be thinking. Kind of… trying not to think at all.”
Aspazija slid into the next chair along. “Sorry you had a rough night.”
Blink pressed her lips together into an ironic line that wasn’t quite a smile, fixing a half-hearted glare onto her juice glass. “How could you tell.”
“Sorry.” Aspazija smiled, sympathetically. “Your eyes just look really sore, hon. I’ve got some gel which might make ’em feel better, if you want to use some…?”
Blink grunted and rubbed the heel of one hand against her face. Another annoying little aspect of biological life to get used to; it wasn’t just damage that triggered pain alerts. Even doing nothing whatsoever could make you stiff and sore. “That’d be nice,” she agreed, sagging in her chair until she was sprawled over the table. “Thank you.”
“Hold tight, I’ll go fetch it-”
“No, no. If you don’t have it on you, it’s all right, it can wait. Have your breakfast first.” Now she’d been prodded into a semi-alert wakefulness, Blink had no desire to drift back into a doze again – if she couldn’t get properly to sleep, she had the feeling that dozing with a muggy head and aching back would just make things worse. “Ngh.”
Aspazija picked through the fruit in the basket on the sideboard, and selected the least dented one. “Bad dreams?”
Blink closed her eyes again, and let her chin rest on her folded arms. “Dreams? I couldn’t sleep,” she groaned, softly. “I’ve never had this trouble going offline before. When I need to rest, I just engage my dormancy protocols, and that’s it. Last night, I must have woken up every hour or so. I feel worse than I did before I went to bed.”
Aspazija leaned closer to rub her shoulders, gently; the top of the other fessine’s back was tight with a series of hard knots of muscle, probably from a mixture of bad sleep and hard work. “You have a lot to think about,” she sympathised, squeezing her fingers and trying to coax the worst knots to relax. “I don’t think I’d sleep well, either.”
Blink made a feeble groaning noise, letting her forehead rest on her arms. “All I want is a little stability, right now.” Her voice came out muffled by her clothing. “Instead, every time I think I have things straight in my mind, my world turns in the opposite direction.”
Aspazija kept up her gentle squeezing until Blink’s breathing deepened into a doze. “What do you think, Sadie?” she wondered, quietly.
“Hm?” The hind sat in her usual corner, keeping out of the way. She flicked her tailtip, irritated, drumming warningly against a chairleg. “So you guys want my opinion now, huh?”
Aspazija gave her a pleading glance, as if to say not now? “Come on, Sayd. You don’t have to take your squabble with Odati over into everything else you do,” she reminded. “You know more about heff than anyone here. What do you think?”
The hind spread her hands. “Well, who am I to argue with the Library’s resident healer?” she drawled. “It’s something that’s never happened before, but if Odati says she’s immune, then who am I to argue?”
“Do you just not like for her to be right?”
Sadie’s drumming picked up, subtly – like the warning sound of a defensive rattlesnake. “Well, for one, that’s not what I said. What I said was, it’s never happened before, and it seems unlikely.”
“She’s here, and she’s alive, and she’s not got sick yet. Why is it so unlikely?”
“I don’t know, maybe because heff was designed to be incurable, and no-one – out of a population of millions – has ever been immune before? Pssh.” Sadie took a nonchalant bite out of the fruit she’d chosen for breakfast. “Come on. We’re supposed to believe a bit of handwavium from an omnipotent alien, who just happens to have now died so we can’t question it, in a story we’ve got second, third hand from this girl and her would-be mate, instead of all the science we’ve learned in all the years since the blood fevers were released?” She waved the fruit in a one-armed shrug. “Isn’t it more likely we’ve got a very confused little fessine, here, who may already be cooking up a bout of placid heff – maybe already sick, maybe already hallucinating, I don’t know? I mean, frick, she’s got a surface wound on her shoulder that her friend only thinks was caused by a blight! She might be just another psycho!”
“Rae saw it happen. Blights are pretty easy to identify, if you’d forgotten.” Aspazija dropped her voice to a near whisper, moving a little closer around the table. “And it’s kinda rude, don’t you think, talking about her like she’s not here?”
Sadie waved her concerns away with an idle flip of her hand. “Give me an armful of her blood and the key to the Institute, and I’ll tell you for sure if chickie, here,” she pointed with the tip of her tail, “is immune. No magic tricks, just good honest science. Sure, I wanna know for definite as much as anybody, but I’m not gonna swallow up the fewments Odati is dropping without some proper proof.”
“We don’t know for absolute definite sure that no-one’s ever been immune before,” Aspazija challenged. “I mean not everyone that died did so because they caught heff. Some got killed in the rioting.”
Sadie inclined her head. “See, this is why I don’t make a habit of volunteering my expertise,” she growled out, with a little glare. “If it doesn’t fit into your preconceived little worldview, then you don’t wanna know.” She put up her hands, as though in despair. “Story of my freaking life.”
“I appreciate it.”
Both women glanced down to find Blink watching them, quietly. Sadie had the decency to look embarrassed for assuming the fessine wasn’t listening.
Blink managed a tired smile. “Thank you, Sadie.”
“For being rude about you because I thought you were asleep?”
Blink propped her head on one hand. “For being honest. I’d rather not be told everything is all fine, when we all know it isn’t – not really.”
“Odati might be right, you know...”
“Or I might just be another crazy fessine with an over-active imagination-”
From out in the corridor there came the scramble of footsteps, and the main door banged, noisily. All three glanced in the direction of the hallway, alarmed.
“Sounds like trouble,” Aspazija pointed out, unnecessarily, following the noise; Sadie hastily followed her, fruit clutched between her teeth and carrying a carton of juice in the curling tip of her tail.
Blearily, Blink followed them, very nearly falling off her chair when her legs failed to keep up with her, and trying not to drag her toes. She knew she wouldn’t be much use in a fight, if there was trouble brewing, but she didn’t want to be caught completely off-guard. She bumped into Odati – almost literally – in the Library foyer; the old vulline looked just as alarmed by the commotion, reluctantly joining Blink in the Library window to look out.
The instant Blink got a good look outside, the reason for the noise became apparent. On the far side of the triple fence that formed the Library perimeter there stood an individual she hadn’t yet met, a giant that towered over everyone, including Sarmis – Blink suspected the top of her head would come barely to his elbow. Covered in a pebbly gold skin, and with huge claws on his splayed toes, he looked more like some kind of prehistoric monster than a fellow survivor of the virus.
Immediately fully awake, Blink sucked back a gasp, her hand flying up to cover her mouth. Although she’d never laid eyes on the monster before, she knew instinctually who he was.
“Stay back, dear,” Odati whispered, urgently. “No need to tempt fate.”
Blink had no intention of arguing. She could only imagine one person that would cause such alarm in the Library, and didn’t want to advertise her presence to him. “Is that Tevak?”
Odati just nodded, at first. “It would be best you didn’t let him see you.”
“I didn’t plan on it.” Blink shrank back further, trying to watch the goings-on outside via a little window alongside the door. She couldn’t deny that the stranger had rather roguish good looks, with that squarely powerful build and thoughtful brown eyes – but he made her shrink down, inside. She sensed that he’d treat her like just a warm, convenient piece of meat, if he ever got his hands on her.
A handful of Library residents, Rae included, had gathered uneasily in the square in front of the building, headed by Sarmis, who stood on the other side of the fence, as close as he could get to the stranger, pacing agitatedly up and down; he looked like he was gearing up for a physical confrontation of some kind.
“You’re in our territory,” Sarmis pointed out, unable to stand still. Blink could see his balled fists trembling. “If you don’t leave now-”
“You’ll do what, exactly, huh Ghost?” the giant interrupted, before Sarmis could get very far. His face spoke of an individual trying to be friendly, but his voice emerged as barely more than a guttural snarl. “I’m outside of your stupid fence, ain’t I? Maybe I got lost.” He spread his hands in a dismissive gesture.
“What do you want?”
“Ohh, nothin’.” He leaned on the fence, meaningfully; the sturdy wire bowed under his weight. “I just wanna see these new folk what have arrived. The ones you’re keeping away from us.”
“How do you know about them?”
Tevak smiled a slow, reptilian smile that wasn’t echoed in his eyes. “Come on. When does anything happen in your little farmstead that I don’t hear of? My sneak spotted the lass when she was down on the beach. I just wanna see if she’s as pretty as he reckons.”
Back in her hiding place, Blink flinched. People really were going to keep chasing her around until she found a way to make herself ugly.
Odati patted her shoulder, reassuringly, before slipping past her and down the steps. “We’ve already done introductions for you, Tevak,” she explained, raising her voice and staring him down, unafraid. “No-one seemed inclined to come looking for you.”
“After you and your lies?” He waved a dismissive hand, idly. “I ain’t surprised. So much for ‘it’s only fair we let ‘em decide where they wanna be’, right? Who knows, maybe your new girl would rather be with us.” He puffed up his chest, a little, trying to look more impressive than he already did. “With a real male, who can look after her properly.”
“You can’t look after anything properly,” Odati corrected. “Particularly not something delicate. ”
“I got a firm hand, Deets. Just being strict doesn’t mean I don’t got a gentle touch, when I wanna.” He flexed long, slim golden fingers, and licked a claw. “I can be properly delicate with the ladies. Just ask my girls.” A long, forked purple tongue flashed out over his lips. “Gimme a few moments alone with your baby girl and I betcha I can convince her.”
“I don’t mean to interrupt,” Rae cut in, warily – the giant seemed to have shocked his voicebox into assuming only a near-whisper. “But, um. My friend doesn’t much care for men – not in a romantic sense, at least. You’ll only be wasting your time.”
Tevak directed his cool stare onto the spur. “And you’re the voice of experience, right?” He curled his lip, dismissively. “Can’t possibly imagine why she’s not interested in you, newling. Get more meat off a jet of cold water.”
Rae pursed his lips and backed down, embarrassed. Although he could think of plenty of insults to counter the names he’d been called, that would involve riling this mountain of muscle, and those slabs of steak it had for hands would probably crush his face off with very little effort. Making an enemy at this stage of the game, barely a few days in? Yeah, no. As an ambassador of
Tevak smirked at his early victory. “Wow, if that’s enough to beat you? You really need to grow a spine. No wonder that old woman let you stay, when she kicks any other healthy male out.”
Rae glanced back at Odati.
The old female rolled her eyes. “One, male, Tevak. And he was a thief. I have no patience for criminals.”
The giant snorted and looked back at Rae. “You wanna watch that one.” He gestured a claw at Odati. “She’s more tricky than she looks.” He leaned into the fence again. “Now are you guys gonna give me what I want? Because all this talk, talk, talk, ain’t gonna make me forget.”
“You’ve seen our newcomer already-”
Tevak’s bark startled even Odati into silence. The crest of straggly green feathers on his head flared up into an aggressive halo that made him look even bigger. “I ain’t stupid!” He laced his fingers through the wire, and laid down his ultimatum, his voice a low rumble of threat. “Either you guys bring the girl out, or I climb in there and look for her myself.” He hooked the claws on his right foot into the mesh, for emphasis. “Or did you forget I already proved this stupid wire ain’t gonna stop me?”
“You just try it,” Sarmis growled, backing off a step or two so he had room to manoeuvre, sunlight glittering off the knife that suddenly appeared in his hand.
“Why, you gonna poke me with that toothpick if I don’t?” Tevak bared his very prominent, very sharp teeth.
“... it-... it’s all right, Sarmis.”
Everyone turned to find Blink descending the steps, very carefully, trying to keep her trembling knees from giving way beneath her. “I’m not scared,” she lied, softly. “I don’t mind saying hello.”
The white spur shot her a brief, concerned glance, but kept most of his attention on Tevak.
Tevak smiled, satisfied, demonstrating a mouthful of irregular teeth. “Well, you should be scared, sweetie,” he growled, amused. “Skinny little thing like you should be scared of everything, on this nasty mud-ball world.” He lifted his chin, approvingly. “You’re the other newling, huh?”
Blink struggled to meet the hungry stare. “I’m just a visitor-”
“Well, you should come ‘visit’ us, some time.” He leaned closer into the fence and licked his lips. “We’d look after you real good. Wouldn’t even make you work for our, ah... protection.”
The way he looked at her, as though he were sizing up a head of livestock, made Blink’s skin crawl; she ducked just behind Rae. “I’d rather stay here, thank you.” It took a supreme effort to keep her voice from trembling. Rae put his hand out for her; her fingers closed like iron bands around it. “I like the people here, and I don’t mind working.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Tevak laughed. “Well, you wanna watch who you shack up with, sweets. Not all the folk here are so noble as they pretend to be.”
Blink steeled her nerve. “If the stories they’ve told me about you are true, you don’t seem to know the meaning of the word. So I’m staying here, thank you. Away from you.”
A look of displeasure flickered across his face. “Oh, you’ll change your mind about where you’re staying soon enough, you snooty li’l brat.” He pointed a threatening claw. “And I’ll be sure I’m there to see it.”
Halli joined Sarmis at the fence. “All right, Brute. You’ve said your piece. Now leave us alone.”
“You better watch your step, Tiny.” He stabbed a finger at her. “The only reason I’m not over there, planting my foot in your face, is that I’m outnumbered.”
Halli bristled, the hair on the back of her head fluffing out. “You keep thinking that, you big co-”
Sarmis clapped a hand over Halli’s mouth, before she could say anything to infuriate Tevak any further. “Go away, and we won’t come over there after you,” he suggested, softly. “Don’t mistake our unwillingness to fight for cowardice. As you rightly pointed out, you’re outnumbered.”
Tevak grunted, dismissively. “Whatever.” He met Blink’s gaze, briefly. “Be seeing you, sweets.”
Sarmis watched their unwelcome visitor disappear down the grassy high street. “Not if we can help it.”
Blink finally let herself breathe; only once Tevak had disappeared did she finally release Rae’s hand from the crushing deathgrip she’d had it in. He gave her a wary smile, propping her up until her wobbly knees got their strength back.
“So, uh.”
They turned to find Sadie watching, sucking nonchalantly on the straw in her carton of juice.
“You wanna explain what you meant by ‘visitor’?” the hind wondered.
“...yeah, Bee.” Aspazija came awkwardly closer, scratching the back of her neck. “Was that just for Tevak’s sake, or are you actually, y’know. Don’t want to be here, any more?”
“She doesn’t have to stay here,” Halli guessed, sombrely. “Not now she’s immune. She can go anywhere she wants.”
Uncomfortable under the weight of every questioning gaze out in the square, Blink studied her laced fingers. “Well, it’s true, in a way,” she confirmed, quietly. “I am, technically, still mostly a visitor. I do ultimately want to get back to my family, if I can get in touch with them. And-... this is your home, I shouldn’t take it, or any of you, for granted.” She bit her lip, and glanced up around herself. “I’m sorry if I seemed ungrateful for your kindness. I don’t plan on going anywhere, unless you want me to leave.”
“...we don’t want you to leave,” Halli confirmed, quietly; Blink responded with a small, grateful smile.
“Besides, it’s not like there’s a lot of places we could go, if we did want to go anywhere,” Rae joked, cautiously. “The only place we wanna go is the only place we can’t get to, right now.”
* * * * *
Blink remained uncharacteristically quiet all the way up to supper – listening to the conversations flowing around her, but not really reacting to any of it.
“What are you thinking about, Bee?” Aron prompted, watching Blink carefully wipe the same small piece of bread around her supper bowl for the fifth time.
“Hm?” The fessine glanced up.
Aron smiled. “Welcome back.”
“I’m sorry, what?”
“You seemed to be away on a cloud. I just wondered what you were thinking about.”
“Oh!” Blink smiled, sheepishly, finally eating her last chunk of bread. “Sorry. It’s-... nothing, really. It’s probably just silly.”
“Try us.”
Blink studied her bowl for a minute or two, aware that everyone nearby was watching her again. “I just-… I’m going to try and get into the Institute,” she explained, steel underlining her soft words. “I think it might be my only chance to get in contact with my people.”
A collective noise of surprise rose from the group.
“No-one has got into the Institute in the last twenty years or so,” Sadie pointed out. “God knows we’ve tried enough times, their security is just too tight. What makes you so sure you can?”
“Well, I’m not sure.” Blink smiled, sadly. “I’m just determined to give it my best shot. Even the best security has to have a hole in it somewhere – a back way in, in case anything goes wrong – and I want to think I stand a fair chance at finding it.”
Sadie smiled a lopsided, toothy smile. “If you do get in... would you let me come with you?”
Blink held her gaze seriously. “Of course I would. I’d give you that blood sample, too.”
Sadie actually looked embarrassed, looking away and scratching the back of her neck. “I kinda thought you wouldn’t have heard me say that, seeing as you looked mostly zonked.”
Odati cleared her throat. “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you do all realise that if word gets out to the Hesgeri consulate that Blink is immune, her worth as a person will suddenly be vastly less than her worth as a commodity?”
Blink frowned, her ears folding warily back. “What do you mean?”
“There’s something in your blood that prevents you from catching a killer disease that has decimated a dozen worlds. A chemical so rare, there are governments who will stop at nothing to keep it safe. Do you really think they’ll let you remain free?” Odati shook her head, tailtip twitching. “If you let word get out, they’ll come along and snatch you up so fast, your feet won’t touch the ground.”
“I can’t keep something so important a secret, Odati-”
“But-... you don’t wanna be locked away in some government facility for the rest of your life, do you?” Aspazija wondered, faintly. “We’ll have to kidnap you, so they can’t find you.”
Blink shook her head. “But if I’m the key to the cure? I want to – have to – give this world the best chance I can. Yes, all right, I have an ulterior motive. Perhaps it’s purely selfish, but once we’ve cured the disease, and trade is opened back up, I can get back out there.” She glanced up at the stars. “I need to find my family. I’m going to get off this world, and I’m going to find my family, and I’m going to spend my last days with them. If I can never find Frond’s people? So be it.” She studied the circular pattern scarred into her palm, and ran her thumb carefully across the intricate white lines, fine as a fingerprint. Her voice dwindled to a murmur, barely audible. “At least I’ll have ensured their last memories of me won’t be such bad ones. They won’t grow up thinking I abandoned them because I was ashamed of them.”
63857 ♥ 100000
I really wish I could work out what went on, last night. Everything had blended together into a confusing mess of poorly-recalled reality and half-remembered dreams.
Immune? Not going to get sick – really? Ugh. She covered her face. Much as she wanted to feel happy, like common sense said she should be... her brain hurt. So many conflicting things to try and untangle in her mind. Part of her wanted to dance and laugh and sing, that she would get her second chance to do all the things she’d run away from. Another part wanted to just curl up and hide away, not daring to believe it, until she got concrete proof that it wasn’t yet another mistake, designed to crush her spirit even further into the dirt.
Blink rolled onto her stomach and slid inelegantly off her bed, then stumbled her way downstairs, using the wall to prop herself up. Her legs were so heavy and stiff, it felt like there must be lead in her toes. The sound of heavy breathing and gentle snoring emanating from the various bedroom doors just seemed to rub her nose in how exhausted (and how unable to sleep) she herself was. She grimaced and concentrated instead on keeping her feet moving across the carpet. Didn’t seem possible that someone could be so tired, but so cripplingly awake.
She arrived downstairs to the empty dining room she’d expected, judging by all the sounds of snoring above. Fingers of sunshine breaking through the vine-covered window gave the old furniture a warm, watercoloured golden glow far more romantic than she felt anything here deserved. She poured herself a small glass of pale yellow juice from the carton at the end of the counter, hoping the sharp, zesty taste would clear the confused fog of sleep from her head, and sat down with it at the table, but ended up just staring blankly at it, turning the glass quietly between thumb and forefinger.
Immune. Why didn’t Frond tell her? Would it have really been that difficult? It wasn’t like she didn’t have time, because they’d talked quite a lot in the minutes before Frond had put her plan into action. Blink propped her head in her hands and heaved a sigh. Yet another bombshell to try and come to terms with. She half hoped that it had just been a particularly vivid nightmare – it might have been disappointing, but at least she could have understood it.
Now she had to somehow completely up-end her whole world, and come to terms with a whole slew of new facts. You’re not going to die imminently. You are instead going to live for – potentially, at least – a very long time, stuck on a quarantined planet, with no way home, no way to call your family, essentially trapped between two rival groups fighting each other over the few measly resources that are left, surrounded by the sick and the dying.
Even if you help develop a vaccine, there’s no guarantee you’ll ever get out. What good is being immune, when soul-destroying boredom will kill you far faster than any disease could?
Blink groaned pathetically to herself and let her head drop to the table.
It was going to be a long day.
Blink’s breakfast juice still sat in front of her nose, untouched, when the Library’s more long-term residents began to stir. She listened to the feet thumping on the worn floorboards, and closed her eyes, wondering if it wouldn’t have been better to stay in bed. Maybe if she pretended to be asleep, they’d leave her al-
“Skeida, Bee! You’re immune?”
Stifling a sigh, Blink levered her heavy eyelids back up, to find Aspazija’s concerned face very close to her own. “It looks that way,” she confirmed, reluctantly, not sure if she felt up to discussing it. “According to Odati, anyway.” She rubbed her temples. “I’m not really sure what I should be thinking. Kind of… trying not to think at all.”
Aspazija slid into the next chair along. “Sorry you had a rough night.”
Blink pressed her lips together into an ironic line that wasn’t quite a smile, fixing a half-hearted glare onto her juice glass. “How could you tell.”
“Sorry.” Aspazija smiled, sympathetically. “Your eyes just look really sore, hon. I’ve got some gel which might make ’em feel better, if you want to use some…?”
Blink grunted and rubbed the heel of one hand against her face. Another annoying little aspect of biological life to get used to; it wasn’t just damage that triggered pain alerts. Even doing nothing whatsoever could make you stiff and sore. “That’d be nice,” she agreed, sagging in her chair until she was sprawled over the table. “Thank you.”
“Hold tight, I’ll go fetch it-”
“No, no. If you don’t have it on you, it’s all right, it can wait. Have your breakfast first.” Now she’d been prodded into a semi-alert wakefulness, Blink had no desire to drift back into a doze again – if she couldn’t get properly to sleep, she had the feeling that dozing with a muggy head and aching back would just make things worse. “Ngh.”
Aspazija picked through the fruit in the basket on the sideboard, and selected the least dented one. “Bad dreams?”
Blink closed her eyes again, and let her chin rest on her folded arms. “Dreams? I couldn’t sleep,” she groaned, softly. “I’ve never had this trouble going offline before. When I need to rest, I just engage my dormancy protocols, and that’s it. Last night, I must have woken up every hour or so. I feel worse than I did before I went to bed.”
Aspazija leaned closer to rub her shoulders, gently; the top of the other fessine’s back was tight with a series of hard knots of muscle, probably from a mixture of bad sleep and hard work. “You have a lot to think about,” she sympathised, squeezing her fingers and trying to coax the worst knots to relax. “I don’t think I’d sleep well, either.”
Blink made a feeble groaning noise, letting her forehead rest on her arms. “All I want is a little stability, right now.” Her voice came out muffled by her clothing. “Instead, every time I think I have things straight in my mind, my world turns in the opposite direction.”
Aspazija kept up her gentle squeezing until Blink’s breathing deepened into a doze. “What do you think, Sadie?” she wondered, quietly.
“Hm?” The hind sat in her usual corner, keeping out of the way. She flicked her tailtip, irritated, drumming warningly against a chairleg. “So you guys want my opinion now, huh?”
Aspazija gave her a pleading glance, as if to say not now? “Come on, Sayd. You don’t have to take your squabble with Odati over into everything else you do,” she reminded. “You know more about heff than anyone here. What do you think?”
The hind spread her hands. “Well, who am I to argue with the Library’s resident healer?” she drawled. “It’s something that’s never happened before, but if Odati says she’s immune, then who am I to argue?”
“Do you just not like for her to be right?”
Sadie’s drumming picked up, subtly – like the warning sound of a defensive rattlesnake. “Well, for one, that’s not what I said. What I said was, it’s never happened before, and it seems unlikely.”
“She’s here, and she’s alive, and she’s not got sick yet. Why is it so unlikely?”
“I don’t know, maybe because heff was designed to be incurable, and no-one – out of a population of millions – has ever been immune before? Pssh.” Sadie took a nonchalant bite out of the fruit she’d chosen for breakfast. “Come on. We’re supposed to believe a bit of handwavium from an omnipotent alien, who just happens to have now died so we can’t question it, in a story we’ve got second, third hand from this girl and her would-be mate, instead of all the science we’ve learned in all the years since the blood fevers were released?” She waved the fruit in a one-armed shrug. “Isn’t it more likely we’ve got a very confused little fessine, here, who may already be cooking up a bout of placid heff – maybe already sick, maybe already hallucinating, I don’t know? I mean, frick, she’s got a surface wound on her shoulder that her friend only thinks was caused by a blight! She might be just another psycho!”
“Rae saw it happen. Blights are pretty easy to identify, if you’d forgotten.” Aspazija dropped her voice to a near whisper, moving a little closer around the table. “And it’s kinda rude, don’t you think, talking about her like she’s not here?”
Sadie waved her concerns away with an idle flip of her hand. “Give me an armful of her blood and the key to the Institute, and I’ll tell you for sure if chickie, here,” she pointed with the tip of her tail, “is immune. No magic tricks, just good honest science. Sure, I wanna know for definite as much as anybody, but I’m not gonna swallow up the fewments Odati is dropping without some proper proof.”
“We don’t know for absolute definite sure that no-one’s ever been immune before,” Aspazija challenged. “I mean not everyone that died did so because they caught heff. Some got killed in the rioting.”
Sadie inclined her head. “See, this is why I don’t make a habit of volunteering my expertise,” she growled out, with a little glare. “If it doesn’t fit into your preconceived little worldview, then you don’t wanna know.” She put up her hands, as though in despair. “Story of my freaking life.”
“I appreciate it.”
Both women glanced down to find Blink watching them, quietly. Sadie had the decency to look embarrassed for assuming the fessine wasn’t listening.
Blink managed a tired smile. “Thank you, Sadie.”
“For being rude about you because I thought you were asleep?”
Blink propped her head on one hand. “For being honest. I’d rather not be told everything is all fine, when we all know it isn’t – not really.”
“Odati might be right, you know...”
“Or I might just be another crazy fessine with an over-active imagination-”
From out in the corridor there came the scramble of footsteps, and the main door banged, noisily. All three glanced in the direction of the hallway, alarmed.
“Sounds like trouble,” Aspazija pointed out, unnecessarily, following the noise; Sadie hastily followed her, fruit clutched between her teeth and carrying a carton of juice in the curling tip of her tail.
Blearily, Blink followed them, very nearly falling off her chair when her legs failed to keep up with her, and trying not to drag her toes. She knew she wouldn’t be much use in a fight, if there was trouble brewing, but she didn’t want to be caught completely off-guard. She bumped into Odati – almost literally – in the Library foyer; the old vulline looked just as alarmed by the commotion, reluctantly joining Blink in the Library window to look out.
The instant Blink got a good look outside, the reason for the noise became apparent. On the far side of the triple fence that formed the Library perimeter there stood an individual she hadn’t yet met, a giant that towered over everyone, including Sarmis – Blink suspected the top of her head would come barely to his elbow. Covered in a pebbly gold skin, and with huge claws on his splayed toes, he looked more like some kind of prehistoric monster than a fellow survivor of the virus.
Immediately fully awake, Blink sucked back a gasp, her hand flying up to cover her mouth. Although she’d never laid eyes on the monster before, she knew instinctually who he was.
“Stay back, dear,” Odati whispered, urgently. “No need to tempt fate.”
Blink had no intention of arguing. She could only imagine one person that would cause such alarm in the Library, and didn’t want to advertise her presence to him. “Is that Tevak?”
Odati just nodded, at first. “It would be best you didn’t let him see you.”
“I didn’t plan on it.” Blink shrank back further, trying to watch the goings-on outside via a little window alongside the door. She couldn’t deny that the stranger had rather roguish good looks, with that squarely powerful build and thoughtful brown eyes – but he made her shrink down, inside. She sensed that he’d treat her like just a warm, convenient piece of meat, if he ever got his hands on her.
A handful of Library residents, Rae included, had gathered uneasily in the square in front of the building, headed by Sarmis, who stood on the other side of the fence, as close as he could get to the stranger, pacing agitatedly up and down; he looked like he was gearing up for a physical confrontation of some kind.
“You’re in our territory,” Sarmis pointed out, unable to stand still. Blink could see his balled fists trembling. “If you don’t leave now-”
“You’ll do what, exactly, huh Ghost?” the giant interrupted, before Sarmis could get very far. His face spoke of an individual trying to be friendly, but his voice emerged as barely more than a guttural snarl. “I’m outside of your stupid fence, ain’t I? Maybe I got lost.” He spread his hands in a dismissive gesture.
“What do you want?”
“Ohh, nothin’.” He leaned on the fence, meaningfully; the sturdy wire bowed under his weight. “I just wanna see these new folk what have arrived. The ones you’re keeping away from us.”
“How do you know about them?”
Tevak smiled a slow, reptilian smile that wasn’t echoed in his eyes. “Come on. When does anything happen in your little farmstead that I don’t hear of? My sneak spotted the lass when she was down on the beach. I just wanna see if she’s as pretty as he reckons.”
Back in her hiding place, Blink flinched. People really were going to keep chasing her around until she found a way to make herself ugly.
Odati patted her shoulder, reassuringly, before slipping past her and down the steps. “We’ve already done introductions for you, Tevak,” she explained, raising her voice and staring him down, unafraid. “No-one seemed inclined to come looking for you.”
“After you and your lies?” He waved a dismissive hand, idly. “I ain’t surprised. So much for ‘it’s only fair we let ‘em decide where they wanna be’, right? Who knows, maybe your new girl would rather be with us.” He puffed up his chest, a little, trying to look more impressive than he already did. “With a real male, who can look after her properly.”
“You can’t look after anything properly,” Odati corrected. “Particularly not something delicate. ”
“I got a firm hand, Deets. Just being strict doesn’t mean I don’t got a gentle touch, when I wanna.” He flexed long, slim golden fingers, and licked a claw. “I can be properly delicate with the ladies. Just ask my girls.” A long, forked purple tongue flashed out over his lips. “Gimme a few moments alone with your baby girl and I betcha I can convince her.”
“I don’t mean to interrupt,” Rae cut in, warily – the giant seemed to have shocked his voicebox into assuming only a near-whisper. “But, um. My friend doesn’t much care for men – not in a romantic sense, at least. You’ll only be wasting your time.”
Tevak directed his cool stare onto the spur. “And you’re the voice of experience, right?” He curled his lip, dismissively. “Can’t possibly imagine why she’s not interested in you, newling. Get more meat off a jet of cold water.”
Rae pursed his lips and backed down, embarrassed. Although he could think of plenty of insults to counter the names he’d been called, that would involve riling this mountain of muscle, and those slabs of steak it had for hands would probably crush his face off with very little effort. Making an enemy at this stage of the game, barely a few days in? Yeah, no. As an ambassador of
Tevak smirked at his early victory. “Wow, if that’s enough to beat you? You really need to grow a spine. No wonder that old woman let you stay, when she kicks any other healthy male out.”
Rae glanced back at Odati.
The old female rolled her eyes. “One, male, Tevak. And he was a thief. I have no patience for criminals.”
The giant snorted and looked back at Rae. “You wanna watch that one.” He gestured a claw at Odati. “She’s more tricky than she looks.” He leaned into the fence again. “Now are you guys gonna give me what I want? Because all this talk, talk, talk, ain’t gonna make me forget.”
“You’ve seen our newcomer already-”
Tevak’s bark startled even Odati into silence. The crest of straggly green feathers on his head flared up into an aggressive halo that made him look even bigger. “I ain’t stupid!” He laced his fingers through the wire, and laid down his ultimatum, his voice a low rumble of threat. “Either you guys bring the girl out, or I climb in there and look for her myself.” He hooked the claws on his right foot into the mesh, for emphasis. “Or did you forget I already proved this stupid wire ain’t gonna stop me?”
“You just try it,” Sarmis growled, backing off a step or two so he had room to manoeuvre, sunlight glittering off the knife that suddenly appeared in his hand.
“Why, you gonna poke me with that toothpick if I don’t?” Tevak bared his very prominent, very sharp teeth.
“... it-... it’s all right, Sarmis.”
Everyone turned to find Blink descending the steps, very carefully, trying to keep her trembling knees from giving way beneath her. “I’m not scared,” she lied, softly. “I don’t mind saying hello.”
The white spur shot her a brief, concerned glance, but kept most of his attention on Tevak.
Tevak smiled, satisfied, demonstrating a mouthful of irregular teeth. “Well, you should be scared, sweetie,” he growled, amused. “Skinny little thing like you should be scared of everything, on this nasty mud-ball world.” He lifted his chin, approvingly. “You’re the other newling, huh?”
Blink struggled to meet the hungry stare. “I’m just a visitor-”
“Well, you should come ‘visit’ us, some time.” He leaned closer into the fence and licked his lips. “We’d look after you real good. Wouldn’t even make you work for our, ah... protection.”
The way he looked at her, as though he were sizing up a head of livestock, made Blink’s skin crawl; she ducked just behind Rae. “I’d rather stay here, thank you.” It took a supreme effort to keep her voice from trembling. Rae put his hand out for her; her fingers closed like iron bands around it. “I like the people here, and I don’t mind working.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Tevak laughed. “Well, you wanna watch who you shack up with, sweets. Not all the folk here are so noble as they pretend to be.”
Blink steeled her nerve. “If the stories they’ve told me about you are true, you don’t seem to know the meaning of the word. So I’m staying here, thank you. Away from you.”
A look of displeasure flickered across his face. “Oh, you’ll change your mind about where you’re staying soon enough, you snooty li’l brat.” He pointed a threatening claw. “And I’ll be sure I’m there to see it.”
Halli joined Sarmis at the fence. “All right, Brute. You’ve said your piece. Now leave us alone.”
“You better watch your step, Tiny.” He stabbed a finger at her. “The only reason I’m not over there, planting my foot in your face, is that I’m outnumbered.”
Halli bristled, the hair on the back of her head fluffing out. “You keep thinking that, you big co-”
Sarmis clapped a hand over Halli’s mouth, before she could say anything to infuriate Tevak any further. “Go away, and we won’t come over there after you,” he suggested, softly. “Don’t mistake our unwillingness to fight for cowardice. As you rightly pointed out, you’re outnumbered.”
Tevak grunted, dismissively. “Whatever.” He met Blink’s gaze, briefly. “Be seeing you, sweets.”
Sarmis watched their unwelcome visitor disappear down the grassy high street. “Not if we can help it.”
Blink finally let herself breathe; only once Tevak had disappeared did she finally release Rae’s hand from the crushing deathgrip she’d had it in. He gave her a wary smile, propping her up until her wobbly knees got their strength back.
“So, uh.”
They turned to find Sadie watching, sucking nonchalantly on the straw in her carton of juice.
“You wanna explain what you meant by ‘visitor’?” the hind wondered.
“...yeah, Bee.” Aspazija came awkwardly closer, scratching the back of her neck. “Was that just for Tevak’s sake, or are you actually, y’know. Don’t want to be here, any more?”
“She doesn’t have to stay here,” Halli guessed, sombrely. “Not now she’s immune. She can go anywhere she wants.”
Uncomfortable under the weight of every questioning gaze out in the square, Blink studied her laced fingers. “Well, it’s true, in a way,” she confirmed, quietly. “I am, technically, still mostly a visitor. I do ultimately want to get back to my family, if I can get in touch with them. And-... this is your home, I shouldn’t take it, or any of you, for granted.” She bit her lip, and glanced up around herself. “I’m sorry if I seemed ungrateful for your kindness. I don’t plan on going anywhere, unless you want me to leave.”
“...we don’t want you to leave,” Halli confirmed, quietly; Blink responded with a small, grateful smile.
“Besides, it’s not like there’s a lot of places we could go, if we did want to go anywhere,” Rae joked, cautiously. “The only place we wanna go is the only place we can’t get to, right now.”
Blink remained uncharacteristically quiet all the way up to supper – listening to the conversations flowing around her, but not really reacting to any of it.
“What are you thinking about, Bee?” Aron prompted, watching Blink carefully wipe the same small piece of bread around her supper bowl for the fifth time.
“Hm?” The fessine glanced up.
Aron smiled. “Welcome back.”
“I’m sorry, what?”
“You seemed to be away on a cloud. I just wondered what you were thinking about.”
“Oh!” Blink smiled, sheepishly, finally eating her last chunk of bread. “Sorry. It’s-... nothing, really. It’s probably just silly.”
“Try us.”
Blink studied her bowl for a minute or two, aware that everyone nearby was watching her again. “I just-… I’m going to try and get into the Institute,” she explained, steel underlining her soft words. “I think it might be my only chance to get in contact with my people.”
A collective noise of surprise rose from the group.
“No-one has got into the Institute in the last twenty years or so,” Sadie pointed out. “God knows we’ve tried enough times, their security is just too tight. What makes you so sure you can?”
“Well, I’m not sure.” Blink smiled, sadly. “I’m just determined to give it my best shot. Even the best security has to have a hole in it somewhere – a back way in, in case anything goes wrong – and I want to think I stand a fair chance at finding it.”
Sadie smiled a lopsided, toothy smile. “If you do get in... would you let me come with you?”
Blink held her gaze seriously. “Of course I would. I’d give you that blood sample, too.”
Sadie actually looked embarrassed, looking away and scratching the back of her neck. “I kinda thought you wouldn’t have heard me say that, seeing as you looked mostly zonked.”
Odati cleared her throat. “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you do all realise that if word gets out to the Hesgeri consulate that Blink is immune, her worth as a person will suddenly be vastly less than her worth as a commodity?”
Blink frowned, her ears folding warily back. “What do you mean?”
“There’s something in your blood that prevents you from catching a killer disease that has decimated a dozen worlds. A chemical so rare, there are governments who will stop at nothing to keep it safe. Do you really think they’ll let you remain free?” Odati shook her head, tailtip twitching. “If you let word get out, they’ll come along and snatch you up so fast, your feet won’t touch the ground.”
“I can’t keep something so important a secret, Odati-”
“But-... you don’t wanna be locked away in some government facility for the rest of your life, do you?” Aspazija wondered, faintly. “We’ll have to kidnap you, so they can’t find you.”
Blink shook her head. “But if I’m the key to the cure? I want to – have to – give this world the best chance I can. Yes, all right, I have an ulterior motive. Perhaps it’s purely selfish, but once we’ve cured the disease, and trade is opened back up, I can get back out there.” She glanced up at the stars. “I need to find my family. I’m going to get off this world, and I’m going to find my family, and I’m going to spend my last days with them. If I can never find Frond’s people? So be it.” She studied the circular pattern scarred into her palm, and ran her thumb carefully across the intricate white lines, fine as a fingerprint. Her voice dwindled to a murmur, barely audible. “At least I’ll have ensured their last memories of me won’t be such bad ones. They won’t grow up thinking I abandoned them because I was ashamed of them.”